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James' Restaurant Reviews 1: Masala Zone in Camden (and also the Thai place, NW1) - Heed my words and live your lives by them! Page 2 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
James- Now with added kittens

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James' Restaurant Reviews 1: Masala Zone in Camden (and also the Thai place, NW1) [Jul. 10th, 2008|02:33 pm]
James- Now with added kittens
Oh, Masala Zone in Camden. What a terrible, terrible error you have made.

I'll bet you thought when I strolled through your doors, lured in by the promise of your lunch-time special, that I was just another customer. Just a man like any other. Oh, prettier than other men, obviously. (It's true, researchers* confirm it.) And with a certain pulsing, radiating charisma of sexuality that the majority of men can only dream of. But that, and my dazzling smile, aside I'll bet you thought I was as other men.

Foolish.

What you didn't know, Masala Zone in Camden, was that I am a blogger. I put out my thoughts and opinions onto The Internets. And do you know how many people read The Internets, Masala Zone in Camden? DO YOU??!! Well, neither do I but I bet its quite a few. Lots in fact.

Witness now as I harness the AWESOME POWERS OF THE INTERNETS to teach you, Masala Zone in Camden, a harsh and terrible lesson. Ready?

Masala Zone (in Camden)... suck.

HA! Hahahahahahahah!!! You see? You see, Masala Zone in Camden? You see that, bitch? There it is, on The Internets in black and, uh, pixels for all to see! But wait. There is more. I shall expand on my assessment of your restaurant so the vast throbbing masses do not simply dismiss my claims as the rantings of a madman drunk on power and high on allergy tablets.

For a start your "any meal on the menu for £5.95" claim is a bare faced lie! When I sat down I was informed that I could only select from certain sections. Well, fair enough. Its a lunch menu, I can deal. I selected a curry and rice dish and a diet coke. A diet coke that I found cost £3. Gnnn.

When the curry and rice arrived I discovered that it was, in fact, chicken curry IN rice. The two had been mixed together and sat, still holding an upside-down bowl shape, on my plate. Nice presentation there, Masala Zone in Camden. The food was greasy and not very spicy. The chicken that was there (and there wasn't very much) appeared to be offcuts. I don't expect 100% chicken breast but 50%? 30%? 2%. ANY fucking chicken breast at all? Not good. Not good at all, Masala Zone in Camden. In fact the whole thing was bland at best, downright unpleasant at worst.

And to add insult to injury when my bill came there was an automatic 15% service charge added to it! I admit, Masala Zone in Camden, your staff were very smiley, the ladies were pretty and they were very attentive (almost to a fault. Stop hovering when I am attempting to enjoy my meal, the food makes that difficult enough). However given that I'm already paying the best part of nine quid for a deeply substandard lunch I don't expect any more cash taped on.

And here it is where we come to the crux of your problem, Masala Zone in Camden. By going for the quick buck, the expensive price and the cheap product you may sucker me once but never again. Unlike, say NW1 the Thai place across the road (Parkway, 3 mins walk from the station) which I cannot recommend highly enough (Very generous £5 lunch deal. Great atmosphere, lovely staff. Brilliant.) and which has already seen my repeat business and will certainly see more of me and my sweet, sweet cash. Unlike them you will never get my money again. And furthermore I shall tell all and sundry of your rubbishisitude, vocab-mangling be damned.

Taste my fury Masala Zone in Camden for it is far spicier and more delicious than your sorry excuse for food.

JmC
Did I say Masala Zone in Camden enough to be the Number 1 hits do you think?


*In the past I have done research thusly I am a researcher.
linkReply

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: purpleheather
2008-07-11 07:03 am (UTC)
No sign of "Masala Zone in Camden" or "Masala Zone Camden" on the top page yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Masala Zone in Camden gets to the top of the google searches for Masala Zone in Camden.

:p
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[User Picture]From: kathbad
2008-07-11 02:31 pm (UTC)
It is now in position 12...

Nearly on the front page.
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[User Picture]From: emmelinemay
2008-07-11 12:56 pm (UTC)

FOURTH



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[User Picture]From: kathbad
2008-07-11 02:29 pm (UTC)

Re: FOURTH

Fourth when you include "review"

Even a search on "Masala Zone in Camden" is now up to 11!

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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-11 04:15 pm (UTC)

Re: FOURTH

Wow. I was kinda kidding when I told of my awesome power. Clearly I shouldn't underestimate myself!

JmC
I'll slander with a little help from my friends
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[User Picture]From: purpleheather
2008-07-11 05:48 pm (UTC)
Oooh - [Bad username: flyingwingedmonkey] - considering how much you love Masala Zone in Camden, this is right up your street!

:p
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[User Picture]From: starbright_girl
2008-07-14 12:53 am (UTC)

No.1!

Just thought you'd like to know... masala zone camden review gets you 1st on google. ;)

That is, if you're looking for a review of masala zone in camden.

The masala zone in camden.

Just helping the cause.;)
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[User Picture]From: tuv23
2008-07-14 03:11 pm (UTC)
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden
Masala Zone in Camden

respect :)
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[User Picture]From: november_girl
2008-07-14 08:29 pm (UTC)
Add this to eating_out?
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From: (Anonymous)
2008-09-12 05:17 pm (UTC)

some success

Well you've succeeded to get it onto page 2 and 3 of google for Masala Zone in Camden lol.

Perhaps though you should go the whole hog and rubbish it on all of the restaurant review sites it appears in on page 1, just for consistency of course, and to alert the general public to their potential mistakes
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-05-26 12:16 pm (UTC)

Dickheads on a power trip

It think that says it all - I doubt they would want you back.
By the way your review comes in on page 4 of searches.
No worries for MZ _ CT
Go fuck yourselves
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2011-05-26 04:07 pm (UTC)

Don't poke the bear

Hola peoples,

Some of you may remember that back in 2008 I rubbished Masala Zone in Camden. (Review here.) And for good reason, Masala Zone in Camden gave me rubbishy expensive food. Masala Zone in Camden deserved my review, every bile-scented syllable. Responding to my culinary distress The Internet rushed to my aid, driving my review of Masala Zone in Camden up the Google searches so that all might know of sub-par experience. A bit of fun to divert us from the soul-crushing futility of our lives. And you’d think that would be that.

But wait.

For Masala Zone in Camden… HAS DISCOVERED THE INTERNET.

Yes, some THREE YEARS later some disgruntled manager of Masala Zone in Camden has come upon my review and responded with scorn and fury! Oh noes!

http://flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com/352625.html?page=2#comments (its at the bottom)

Transcript runs thus:

“Dickheads on a power trip”

I’m assuming that would be us. Oh, the power of rubbishing something on the Internet. It makes me giddy just to think of it.

“It think that says it all –“

It think? Is this some culinary robot doing the replying? Have Masala Zone in Camden had SO MANY complaints that they have had to build some sort of robot to deal with the flood. Some poor mechanised Arnie typing out vicious replies while he quietly dies a electronic death inside knowing that what he is typing is tosh. But regardless “Dickheads on a power trip” apparently conveys the sentiments.

“I doubt they would want you back.”

Oh its “I” now is it? And “you” is it? Because CLEARLY you’re are a loyal customer furious about this slating your fav eatery got. Not because you have any financial stake in Masala Zone in Camden or anything.

“By the way your review comes in on page 4 of searches.”

Yes. You are MERELY a customer. A customer who so loves Masala Zone in Camden that they would trawl through 4 pages of searches responding to each negative one. Uh huh.

“No worries for MZ _ CT”

This is particularly good- THEY WON’T SAY “Masala Zone in Camden” because it will up the hit rate! That is AWESOME. And furthermore demonstrates that they DO have worries. Such worries that they take the time to respond to a THREE YEAR OLD review. Wow. No worries INDEED, Masala Zone in Camden.

Obviously “MZ_CT” could be the cool street name of Masala Zone in Camden but I somehow doubt it.

“Go fuck yourselves”

Ah. Nice. Y’know, Masala Zone in Camden, I might have let you get away with “Dickheads on a power trip” but “Go fuck yourselves”. That’s outright abuse right there, Masala Zone in Camden. I fear you have made a terrible mistake.

Go, my minions. Spread the word of this. Link the original review. Tell your friends. Twitter it, Facebook it, Bebo it (does that still exist).

YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS, MASALA ZOME IN CAMDEN!

JmC
Dickhead on a power trip
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[User Picture]From: s0b
2011-05-26 05:33 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

do you have IP tracking switched on for anonymous comments? If so, care to share the IP address with us - perhaps it will belong to the Masala Zone in Camden?
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[User Picture]From: _stormknight_
2011-05-26 06:30 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

Good point, please do!
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2011-05-27 09:51 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

Don't think so. How would I do that?

JmC
Clueless
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[User Picture]From: mark13
2011-05-27 03:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

Dickheads on a Power Trip would be an awesome name for a Psychobilly Band.

Oh, and I wonder if the Masala Zone chain's press office know that one of the employees of Masala Zone in Camden has taken it upon himself to be the vengeful white knight, riding rather belatedly to defend their honour.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: fen_wolfchile
2011-05-27 05:01 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

You know I'd forgotten that masala zone in camden was such a rubbish place to eat
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-05-27 09:48 pm (UTC)

Re: Don't poke the bear

Masala Zone, Camden?

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Poor, you are.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2015-04-24 11:30 pm (UTC)
Curse you, Masala Zone, Camden.

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I will never forget.

Edited at 2015-04-24 11:30 pm (UTC)
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