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James' Restaurant Reviews 1: Masala Zone in Camden (and also the Thai place, NW1) - Heed my words and live your lives by them! — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
James- Now with added kittens

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James' Restaurant Reviews 1: Masala Zone in Camden (and also the Thai place, NW1) [Jul. 10th, 2008|02:33 pm]
James- Now with added kittens
Oh, Masala Zone in Camden. What a terrible, terrible error you have made.

I'll bet you thought when I strolled through your doors, lured in by the promise of your lunch-time special, that I was just another customer. Just a man like any other. Oh, prettier than other men, obviously. (It's true, researchers* confirm it.) And with a certain pulsing, radiating charisma of sexuality that the majority of men can only dream of. But that, and my dazzling smile, aside I'll bet you thought I was as other men.

Foolish.

What you didn't know, Masala Zone in Camden, was that I am a blogger. I put out my thoughts and opinions onto The Internets. And do you know how many people read The Internets, Masala Zone in Camden? DO YOU??!! Well, neither do I but I bet its quite a few. Lots in fact.

Witness now as I harness the AWESOME POWERS OF THE INTERNETS to teach you, Masala Zone in Camden, a harsh and terrible lesson. Ready?

Masala Zone (in Camden)... suck.

HA! Hahahahahahahah!!! You see? You see, Masala Zone in Camden? You see that, bitch? There it is, on The Internets in black and, uh, pixels for all to see! But wait. There is more. I shall expand on my assessment of your restaurant so the vast throbbing masses do not simply dismiss my claims as the rantings of a madman drunk on power and high on allergy tablets.

For a start your "any meal on the menu for £5.95" claim is a bare faced lie! When I sat down I was informed that I could only select from certain sections. Well, fair enough. Its a lunch menu, I can deal. I selected a curry and rice dish and a diet coke. A diet coke that I found cost £3. Gnnn.

When the curry and rice arrived I discovered that it was, in fact, chicken curry IN rice. The two had been mixed together and sat, still holding an upside-down bowl shape, on my plate. Nice presentation there, Masala Zone in Camden. The food was greasy and not very spicy. The chicken that was there (and there wasn't very much) appeared to be offcuts. I don't expect 100% chicken breast but 50%? 30%? 2%. ANY fucking chicken breast at all? Not good. Not good at all, Masala Zone in Camden. In fact the whole thing was bland at best, downright unpleasant at worst.

And to add insult to injury when my bill came there was an automatic 15% service charge added to it! I admit, Masala Zone in Camden, your staff were very smiley, the ladies were pretty and they were very attentive (almost to a fault. Stop hovering when I am attempting to enjoy my meal, the food makes that difficult enough). However given that I'm already paying the best part of nine quid for a deeply substandard lunch I don't expect any more cash taped on.

And here it is where we come to the crux of your problem, Masala Zone in Camden. By going for the quick buck, the expensive price and the cheap product you may sucker me once but never again. Unlike, say NW1 the Thai place across the road (Parkway, 3 mins walk from the station) which I cannot recommend highly enough (Very generous £5 lunch deal. Great atmosphere, lovely staff. Brilliant.) and which has already seen my repeat business and will certainly see more of me and my sweet, sweet cash. Unlike them you will never get my money again. And furthermore I shall tell all and sundry of your rubbishisitude, vocab-mangling be damned.

Taste my fury Masala Zone in Camden for it is far spicier and more delicious than your sorry excuse for food.

JmC
Did I say Masala Zone in Camden enough to be the Number 1 hits do you think?


*In the past I have done research thusly I am a researcher.
linkReply

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: elbly
2008-07-10 01:54 pm (UTC)
Did I say Masala Zone in Camden enough to be the Number 1 hits do you think?

This sounds like a job for.....

RESEARCH GIRL!

*dons glasses and puts hair in bun held in place with a pencil*

"Masala Zone in Camden" does not reveal your post on any of the first 3 pages.

"Masala Zone Camden review" gets you the last link on the first page! Go you!
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:04 pm (UTC)
Go me! I win at mean spirited reviewing!

JmC
Ruin MY lunch, will you, Masala Zone in Camden?
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[User Picture]From: ellebabe
2008-07-10 01:56 pm (UTC)
You come up on Page 3 of google for it.

Damn I am going to have to do some work soon.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:09 pm (UTC)
I wonder if I'm number one for any searches...

JmC
Besides "flywingedmonkey", obviously
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[User Picture]From: renfield286
2008-07-10 01:56 pm (UTC)
there is a very nice curry house in Soho.

opposite the Ampsterdam bookshop.

twas yummy and reasonably priced.

-=R286=-
and what was i doing in soho i hear you ask
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:08 pm (UTC)
What were you doing in Soho?
JmC
Good hearing there.
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:03 pm (UTC)

Re: Search engine rankings

I have lunked (is that a word) to one site, called http://www.welovelocal.com/ with my review. Perhaps I should do more...

JmC
Or PERHAPS I should do some work...
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[User Picture]From: caddyman
2008-07-10 01:59 pm (UTC)

Masala Zone, Camden

I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention; was that Masala Zone in Camden?

THE Masala Zone, Camden.

The Masala Zone in Camden that advertises "any meal on the menu for £5.95"?

I have never been to the Masal Zone in Camden and I am not likely now, ever to go to the Masala Zone in Camden. Why would anyone even think to go to the Masala Zone in Camden if it's that bad.

If you hadn't got enough hits on the Masal Zone in Camden before, that will tip you over the top.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:07 pm (UTC)

Re: Masala Zone, Camden, Masala Zone, Camden,Masala Zone, Camden,Masala Zone, Camden,Masala Zone, Ca

You hear/read that, Masala Zone in Camden? YOU HEAR/READ THAT, Masala Zone in Camden?!! That is the beepy sound of your virtual destruction, Masala Zone in Camden!!!

TESTIFY!!!!

JmC
Take that!
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:35 pm (UTC)
Lukewarm yes, but reviewer agrees with me on the low quality of the chicken in Masala Zone, Camden. I am glad that they in Masala Zone (its in Camden!) are indeed shit and were not just shit for me.

JmC
Because THAT shit would start to get personal
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[User Picture]From: toxicpixie
2008-07-10 02:22 pm (UTC)

Masala Zone in Camden - bad review.

A pretty damming review of the Masala Zone in Camden, near the Lock in Camden, where the restaurant that is the Masala Zone is. Quite close to Camden Market and Stables, if it's Masala Zone in Camden, right?

Sounds an awful place!

Nathan, the Toxic Pixie
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:44 pm (UTC)

Re: Masala Zone in Camden - bad review.

They will rue the day. RUE THE DAY!!!

JmC
I can hear them
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:37 pm (UTC)
Yes. Go to Thai place NW1 on Parkway instead.

JmC
See that Masala Zone, Camden? That could have been a nice review of you! But no! No nice review for you, Masala Zone, Camden! Because you SUCK!
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[User Picture]From: sera_squeak
2008-07-10 02:39 pm (UTC)
A review of Masala Zone in Camden you say? A bad review of Masala Zone in Camden?!!

Well were I to visit a Masala Zone I would not now visit Masala Zone in Camden after that review!

&c
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 02:43 pm (UTC)
You people catch on quick!

JmC
Quick and MEAN, that's why I like you
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[User Picture]From: fen_wolfchile
2008-07-10 02:50 pm (UTC)

Masala Zone in Camden

Ah, I see, so Masala Zone in Camden are probably not the best for Masala, especially not in a zone, and not in Camden.
Would it be fair to say that if you found yourself in Camden, Masala Zone would not be the place to eat that you'd recomend!
I trust that you now are an expert on Masala Zone in Camden, in fact an expert on, Masala, zones and Camden.

Now I fancy curry.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 03:30 pm (UTC)

Re: Masala Zone in Camden

But not from Masala Zone in Camden, obviously.

JmC
For they are RUBBISH!!!
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[User Picture]From: emmelinemay
2008-07-10 02:54 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 03:03 pm (UTC)
And VENGEANCE!!

JmC
Just think what I do to people to cross me properly
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: thehappygoth
2008-07-10 03:25 pm (UTC)
Search engines are teh scuk, according to Google, Karen Lilley's link to your review rates 1 page higher than your actual review.

Gay.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 03:29 pm (UTC)
How odd. Well as long as they get to my vitriol eventually!

JmC
See you tomorrow!
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[User Picture]From: medusa_nw
2008-07-10 04:04 pm (UTC)

Re your review of Masala Zone in Camden

Hello, you may have seen me on emmelinemay's LJ, I took the liberty of posting a link from my LJ to your review of Masala Zone in Camden.
One of my LJ friends has since posted your review of Masala Zone in Camden to stumbleupon, who may also wish to know that if you want food in Camden, not to visit Masala Zone, but to go to NW1 instead. I hope this meets with your approval!
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[User Picture]From: medusa_nw
2008-07-10 04:12 pm (UTC)

Re: Re your review of Masala Zone in Camden

And when I say NW1, of course I mean Thai Place, NW1. Not to be confused with Masala Zone in Camden, NW1, which is to be avoided at all costs.
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[User Picture]From: flywingedmonkey
2008-07-10 04:24 pm (UTC)

Done

"Thank you for submitting a review for Masala Zone - Camden Town.

You will be notified by email when your review is published to the site."

JmC
Restaurant chain closed by angry web phenomenon
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[User Picture]From: harrytc
2008-07-10 05:50 pm (UTC)
You're up to 14.

I think you should have mentioned the name Masala Zone in Camden in the title of the post. To get more semantic weight. Or something like that - it's been a while since I rigged search engines professionally
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