James- Now with added kittens (flywingedmonkey) wrote,
James- Now with added kittens

Smartie in a tube

By God I hate the tube.

I realise this is not exactly World shattering information given that:

a) I hate many things and 94% of my posts relate to things that I despise. Oh, I could post about things I like but that would either come across as a touch dull: Prince Caspian, it's ok. Still a kiddywink film but, as all kids sequels are contracted to be, "darker" that the original. On this logic I fully expect the last Harry Potter film to be nothing but a black screen punctuated occasionally by Hermione's screams and grunts from Voldermort /Harry/Ron. Hella dark. Anyway Prince Caspian is ok, Eddie Izzard isn't really let off the hook enough as Reepicheep but still fun and the end is a bit of a Deus Ex Felinea. Worth seeing but Wanted and Hancock are better.

Or cloying: My kitties dey do the cutest things. Yes they do, YES THEY DO. They so sweet with their little whiskers and paws and look at dem wif der ikkle noses and der penchant for tearing de shit out of everything and speaking in lol-speak. Itz so adooooooore-ibbile.

b) the tube is a fetid stinking hole filled with fat, flatulent bastards and everyone hates it.

But I hate it more. The problem is not just the set up itself- yes, it could do with some air-con and a bit of a sprucing but that's reasonable. The problem is that it is full of fuckers. Selfish, elbowing, inconsiderate fuckers.

Let me give you an example: when I was standing squashed next to other luckless commuters in the tube-carriage yesterday a seat in my vicinity became free. Now, being the vague approximation of a gentleman that I am I would not dream of sitting in a seat when ladies (or the elderly) are standing around me. It's just not done. I admit that were I already sitting then I would only offer my seat to a pregnant woman or particularly infirm looking old person, this is modern times after all (plus there are often multiple females who get on- what are you supposed to do, pick one?). But if I am standing in a multi-sexual throng I would not move to sit until all womb-carriers are parked.

However, yesterday, when a seat became available I shifted to indicate that I was not going to sit- opening the way for the ladies in the vicinity to claim the seat. As I did this some business man threw himself across the carriage, literally chucked himself towards the seat, barging past standing ladies, arm flung forward using his briefcase to claim the empty seat. Who does that? He looked reasonably respectable, late 30s, nice suit, awful shirt-tie combo. Civilised, in other worlds. What possess such a man to bounderhood of the first order by not only snatching a seat from the bums of women but to shove past said women (and their derrières) to get it? Fucking shocking, I tell you.

If I hadn't "accidentally" stomped his briefcase on my exit the whole thing would have left quite a nasty taste in my mouth.

Oops. Clumsy me.
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